Back when I was in my 20's and 30's, I was feeling pretty good about myself. I was making pretty decent money. I was a husband and a dad with a nice home and perfect credit. I was very proud of my lawn, and even more proud of myself. I thought because I had success, that meant I knew everything about everything. I was always right, no matter what and smug about it too.
Then, as happens with most people who know everything, I got punched in the face. Hard. And I reeled, like few have reeled before. I won't go into the details because I've laid them pretty bare in the past. Suffice it to say that I went from having everything to having nothing at all.
Now that I have finally gotten back up and dusted myself off a bit, and as time and distance have unclouded my memory and judgement, I can reflect on what I've learned. Chief among those is that I DON'T KNOW A GOD DAMN THING ABOUT ANYTHING.
There is a certain freedom to be gained from screwing up royally (although I don't recommend this methodology). You lose the burden of having to worry about how everyone else lives their lives. How can you judge someone else when you have to look in the mirror every morning? It is extremely liberating.
It has definitely changed my relationships with my kids. They are well aware of their father's past and I don't want to hide it from them. I was pretty hard on them when they were younger, maybe because that's what I thought I was supposed to do. Now, when they make a mistake, as all kids do, I (hope) I approach the issue more from a place of compassion and understanding, rather than a place of anger. Also, I hope they can tell the difference.
If I could go back and change the past and do things differently, I definitely would. But, however circuitous the path, I've gained a perspective that I probably never would have had and I'm grateful for that.
